BUMPER? I HARDLY EVEN KNOW HER

While in the grocery store today, surrounded by hundreds of people stocking up for the upcoming lobster mini season, my thought process shifted from being extremely annoyed to being completely sarcastic.

Remember when you were little?

Go ahead.

Take a second.

Ready?

OK!

Bumper cars. Yes, bumper cars. Loading up into a piece of plastic and metal then banging the ever-living shit out of each other for enjoyment. Chiropractors everywhere rejoiced at the invention of this spinal nightmare. Children loved the idea of being able to "drive". Adults took out their aggression on each other and often their offspring.

This whole idea got me thinking. (Dangerous I know). Could the invention of this seemingly harmless form of entertainment be the cause for poor driving in America. It all started on February 25, 1890 when James Adair of New York was issued patent #421,887 for an "Electrically Propelled Vehicle."

Since then, I don't believe things have been the same. Somewhere when you were "bumping" around in those cars, a piece of your subconscious mind was invaded with the idea that it was OK to drive like a moron.

Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. I myself, have never been in any sort of automobile accident. Is that because I never chose to partake in the bumper car craze? I did, however, enjoy go-kart racing, where speed and accuracy were key. That being said, I have numerous moving violations.

As long as you can read some letters off a screen, parallel park in between lines that a semi could fit in and not hit any big bright orange cones during a snail-paced driving test, then we give you a license to operate a few thousand pound piece of metal. That, mixed with your already deep-rooted idea that it is OK to be a defensive driver, is a recipe for delinquency.



I scare myself sometimes