STATIONERY THAT MAKES ME CHUCKLE

When Aislyn comes back to Pittburgh for a visit, we never fail to patronize this cute little card shop in Squirrell Hill called "Kards Unlimited." But don't get it twisted - this ain't no Hallmark, people. This card shop has it all... from funny t-shirts and delicious smelling candles; to humorous cards, books of all genres and stationery galore.

It's no secret... we loves us some novelty gear.

Here are some links I found to stationery companies who distribute their cards to our favorite card shop. Let the hilarity ensue!:

Shannon Martin Cards

Seltzer Cards

Selfish Kitty

Mik Wright

Hipster Cards

Hatemail Cards

THE ITSY-BITSY SPIDER...VEIN

I'm 28 years old.

I weigh anywhere between 105 and 110 pounds.

And just yesterday, I spotted something on my back, upper thigh: two inch long, dark purple, spider veins.

Blame genetics, my desk job, or my poor circulation - either way, it's there and it's there for good. Unless, of course, I can get an appointment at the local cosmetic laser center...

So, what's in the future for my veins? Will the spider get bigger? Will spider's unsightly, buldging cousin, Vericose, grace these gams in 2040?

The world may never know.

But for now, there's no denying that age is upon me.

It first began with, "Would you like fries with that, ma'am?"
Now, it's hopelessly flawed stems.
I just can't win.

My mother said it best...

"Today, support hose. Tomorrow, your boobs hit the floor."

BUDGET DECORATING

Just because we're in the middle of a recession, doesn't mean we can't make our bachelorette (or married) pads look fresh, right?  

Right. 

Enter Brylane Home.  

My mom's been getting this catalog for years, but I didn't realize just how spectacular this online/mail order store was until I went huntin' for some window treatments last week. 

Brylane has awesome gear for your home at affordable prices, plus their clearance deals are pretty freakin' incredible. 

I just got a new swag for my dining room and it is fantastic.  They have colors that you can't find anywhere else.  And they totally beat JC Penny's prices. 

Check them out by clicking the logo below!:  

MADONNA, GIVE IT UP ALREADY

To me, there is nothing more unattractive than too much... whether it be showing too much skin, wearing too much makeup, or simply running too much at the mouth.  

One woman in particular has managed to accomplish all 3 over the past two decades... and has made quite a career out of doing so.  But now, it's 2009 and she's beginning to look more than a little strange to everyone, including those who were once diehard fans (for the record, that was never me).

Madonna is now 50 years old.  Truth be told, when I think of a 50 year old woman, I think of Oprah, my mom, my friend's moms and so on.  It's not that I don't view these ladies as sexy or beautiful... I absolutely do... I just see them as a little more "under the radar" with it, and that's what makes them so wonderful.  They're not in-your-face about how hot they are - they just kind of have that quiet confidence; that "something special" just beneath the surface.

If you've been keeping up with the blogs, you've probably have heard about Madonna's quickie divorce from her husband of 8 or 9 years, Guy Ritchie. Now, she's making out in the March issue of W Magazine with her new rumored boy-toy Jesus Luz. Jesus' mother is 3 years younger than Madonna.  And, yes, he is just as you'd expect - painfully attractive... and 22. 

I just can't seem to fathom why a recently divorced, 50-year-old mother of 3, would do something quite so insensitive to her children.

(No one is naked, but you probably won't want to click on this link if you're at work)

CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

This same song and dance was disturbing back in the 80s when she was childless and unmarried... but now, I mean, it's just flat out cruel to the little ones who look up to her... especially her pre-teen daughter, Lourdes.  

Had my mother never been divorced, perhaps I would be in no position to judge.  But she was single for nearly 10 years before she met my stepfather.  And she never - and I mean NEVER - brought guys over to the house, hung all over them or showed any sort of sexual neediness at all around me.  I mean, as far as I was concerned, my mom was just a really cool lady who loved me a lot and made me clean my room - not some vampish, slutty sexpot.  If my mom did go out, she'd reserve her "date nights" for nights when I was with my father.  She kept her personal life and our home life very much separate. 

I think this is why it is oh-so-disturbing to me to see Madonna, a woman who clearly lacks any respect for herself and the feelings and well being of her children, to be rolling around in bed with a half-naked man-child for a bit of advertising money.  This woman is a billionaire. Aside from adopting children from 3rd world countries, why couldn't she do something a bit more constructive with her time other than whoring herself out for publicity?  She looks desperate... not to mention completely and utterly pathetic. 

Madonna, your shtick was "edgy" and "controversial" back in 1987... but it's time to grow up now and act like a lady.  That means putting your damn clothes back on, taking responsibility and actually being a role model to your kids for once. 

You owe it to them. 

And to us!:

END OF AN ERA

This is really hard for me to sit down and write about but I think (know) that it will be therapeutic for me to do so.

This past Wednesday, I lost a friend. She was beautiful, intelligent and had a heart of gold. She loved my daughter and pretty much everyone she came in contact with. Her name was Genie. I met Genie back in 2006. She was full of life and love. We became fast friends. When I looked into her eyes I could see a pure and gentle soul.

Genie fell ill a while back. She was young at heart but her body started to give. The past few months she slowly started to deteriorate. Everything humanly possible was done to turn her health around but there was obviously something bigger than medicine that was pulling her away from us. Her last days were spent in confinement surrounded by people that loved her. Round the clock care was given to her until she finally let go of this life on Wednesday around 9:00 am.

I arrived five minutes too late to say my last goodbye.

Genie was a dolphin. She, in this life, was able to provide people from all around the world once in a lifetime experiences, lasting memories and for me, a friendship and unconditional love that was without parallel. It is hard to explain unless you are an animal lover.

Genie will live on in her son Alfonz and her grandson Leo who are still here with us at work.

In her final moment she was being held by the people that loved her the most.




In memory of Genie. One of the greatest women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing

GRILLED DISASTER

What you are about to read is a not so exaggerated experience that my friend MC and I had the other evening....enjoy!

It was a cold, ominous night in the small town of Tavernier. Aislyn had ventured out into the arctic weather in search of some hot coffee and twelve steps. Upon arriving at the location designated for such an event, the parking lot was eerily vacant. After waiting a few minutes for more people to show, she got back into her car, baffled and not knowing quite what to do. She looked at her phone to see the time and noticed that someone had called. MC had been in search of the same thing but after Aislyn told her the unusual news, MC settled for meeting for a cheese sandwich, a grilled cheese sandwich.

They picked a local joint called "Craig's". Aislyn had never been there but MC assured her that the food was good and the service was better. Walking in the door, the two were overcome with a distinct smell of old fry grease that had seen it's share of dead fish. Once seated, the two ordered. Aislyn...a HOT chocolate and MC...a grilled cheese sandwich with a request for raw onions ON THE SIDE. The hot chocolate...anything but hot. The grilled cheese, less than cheesy. The side of raw onion...a whole onion died for the sake of MC's sandwich.

Sending back the sandwich, the two had some faith that it would return with less onion and more cheese. Their faith died, much like the onion, when the sandwich returned with another layer of cheese and yet MORE onion. Refusing to send it back a second time, MC took a deep breath, dissected the sandwich and ate. Aislyn looked on in what can only be described as total shock. (lol...sorry) By this time the scent of french-fried fish has expanded to beer-soaked ashtray with a fried fish floater. As if the horrible sandwich and oblivious server had not turned their stomachs...this scent, this odor sealed the deal.

Somehow finding humor in the whole situation, the two finished off their respective disasters and headed for the door. The cool, crisp air was refreshing. Their clothes...not so much. Aislyn thanked MC for the awesome experience and they each drove away.

THE MOST DANGEROUS CAKE RECIPE EVER

I got this as an email forward today.

I'll try it tonight and give you guys an update at a later time.

Enjoy!

The most dangerous cake recipe...

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
a small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!

Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired. EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?

Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

SOME MEN JUST "GET IT"

A male friend of mine recently launched a new website entitled "Heart My Shoes.com."  No, he's not gay... he just "gets" women.  

He's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this project, and I must to say, I am more than impressed by his efforts. It's not often a hetrosexual male comes up with such an ingenious idea that's not only profitable, but helpful and entertaining at the same time.  

The concept of Heart My Shoes.com is to more or less to check out the other gal's footwear.  Truth be told, I've never been big on shoes myself... mainly because I hate my feet... but for the "Carrie Bradshaws" of this world who can never have too many in their closet - this site's for you. 

Click the pic below to sign up, view and rate shoes from all over the world:

What's in your closet? ;-)

BEST KEPT BEAUTY SECRETS & MAKEUP GEAR

So, I know that more than just women read this blog, but since I'm a woman, I need to share my excitement for some newly discovered makeup products.  

First, let's begin with MakeupAlley.com .  I first discovered Makeup Alley during a lull at work about 1 year ago. At first, I was a little wary, just because the website itself looks semi-hokey and kinda thrown together. However, I have since discovered that this site is, in fact, the best kept, beauty-website secret in all the World Wide Web.  

The only catch is, you have to sign up before you can review any products, but it's not a big deal because membership is free and they won't send you any annoying emails/newsletters.  Once you have a username, you can browse thousands of product reviews... and review some of your own.  You can see which products are the most popular right now .... and can even swap makeup with other users, which freaks me out a little bit, but whatever.   There are even codes people use to describe their favorite products in reviews (i.e. when someone says "My new HG" it means, "My new Holy Grail"). 

Here are two drugstore products I recently discovered on MakeupAlley.com that I believe would be good for everyone.  I tried them out myself, so I can give my stamp of approval.

#1:  THE BEST DRUGSTORE FOUNDATION EVER FOR PRETTY MUCH ALL SKIN TYPES IS REVLON COLORSTAY FOR NORMAL/DRY SKIN WITH SOFT FLEX.  I got this gem of a foundation in the mail via drugstore.com after seeing it on MakeUp Alley.  It was rated higher than any professional makeup such as Mac foundations and other leading liquid makeups.  It feels fantastic on my face and it covers a multitude of flaws.  It's also oil free, so it won't clog your pores.  It literally melts into your face and stays on all day.  I paid $11.69 for this

#2:  THE BEST DRUGSTORE BRONZER IS PHYSICIANS FORMULA BRONZER PYRAMID IN BAKED TAN.  It's your basic bronzer... and, at $11.95, you can feel confident knowing there are none of those annoying sparklies in it like some of those other bronzers on the market today.  You can use it dry for a light dusting of color, or wet for an "exotic" look.  I choose not to go exotic, seeing as how it's barely 0 degrees here in Pittsburgh and most people would look at me sideways if I walked into work looking Jamaican. 

Happy Primping, Ladies! :-)