BINGE AND PURGE

That's my motto for this Halloween. For the first time in years I will be trick or treating. Not because I'm a sugar loving whore, because I have a small child which gives me the right to indulge with the rest of the costume wearing population. For the record, Reagan's Dorothy costume is the cutest thing in the world, perhaps the Universe...

I will be dressing at the Wicked Witch, our friend Brad will be the scarecrow and the husband is going as himself, a party pooper.

I recently started using one of those obnoxiously sized exercise balls to do crunches and just for the record I did double the number today in preparation for the mass amounts of crap I will be ingesting!

God bless sugar!




Reagan's costume was handmade...not by me

PAINFUL

My husband is the kind of person who believes that women shouldn't have to work.

That in itself says a lot but I will continue on with the story I am about to tell.

I have been thinking about going back to work for a few weeks now. Nothing stressful or demanding. I would be photographing people swimming with dolphins. Sounds great doesn't it? Well, it sounded great to everyone except the husband but yesterday we had a breakthrough. My old boss approached me again (she has been asking for a while) about coming back. It would be four days a week, which would mean we would put Reagan into school. Not that I "have" to work and not that I am ready to give her up. I think it just may be time. She loves being around other kids and is constantly getting bored at home doing the same things over and over. I just don't know if I am mentally prepared for this sort of thing.

Anyway...after talking last night, my mother and father in law were witness to this, he walks out of the living room, into the dining room and said three words that every wife wants to hear. "I support you." WHAT? Did I just hear Ward Cleaver utter those words. Mind you, it sounded like he was passing a kidney stone when he said it because it was so unusual and painful, but by God he said it!

I guess now that I have the unexpected support of my husband, I can figure out what I want to do and just do it....crazy huh?

SLEEPING HURTS

I woke up today with a sore knee.

I'm not even joking - I can't put pressure on my left leg because the upper right part of my knee feels like it's sprained.

Seriously, how does one eff up sleeping?
I mean, all I did was lay there, close my eyes, then wake up.

...or did I?

Here are some possible reasons for my discomfort:

- Sleep-kick-boxed with Jackie Chan

- Sleep-danced the hustle, (which I probably could do in my sleep since I'm so awesome at it).

- Did an 8 hour imitation of Ralph Macchio's crane kick from the Karate Kid - while asleep of course.

Or... I suppose this nocturnal knee destruction could just mean I'm, you know, getting old.

WHY DON'T WE GET DRUNK AND...

....VOTE!

PENSACOLA, Fla. (AP) - If a chance to help choose the next
president of the United States isn't enough to get some voters to
the polls, maybe a free beer is.
The HandleBar in Pensacola is offering a free beer to anyone who votes. Customers must trade their "I Voted" stickers for the free drinks.
The offer is good for early voters and those who vote on Nov. 4.
This is the third year that the HandleBar has offered free beers
to voters.


Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

IRONY

Gee, I'm sure glad we decided to move our house closing date up just TWO WEEKS before interest rates are expected to plummet to an all time low!

Isn't it ironic? Don't cha think?

Super. Just flipping super. And to think I was actually bragging about our 5.87% ...

Sheesh.

ARMADILLOS GIVE ME THE ARMA-WILLIES

The calendar I look at everyday is an animal calendar. It was a freebie from the maintenance guy at work.

October's calendar feature is the gorgeous elk:



The picture below is the same exact picture on my calendar for next month:



Now honestly, who the hell wants to look at a damn armadillo for a solid 30 days!? This animal is like a friggin' rat with furry snake-skin armor! (Can I get a "yuck?")

I can tell you one thing, the next time I start complaining about the cold weather up here, you best believe I'll be thinkin of the armadillo and thankin' my lucky stars.

Apparently these suckers don't survive for long in low temps.

Note: Unfortunately, no armadillos were harmed in the making of this post.

IT'S GOOD TO BE SARAH

$49,425.74 at Saks Fifth Avenue

$75,062.63 at Neiman Marcus

$4,716.49 on hair and makeup

Being able to see Russia from your homeland and using it as a qualifier for foreign policy....

PRICELESS

There are just some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's taxpayer donations.

POTTY TIME

I am gearing up to start potty training Reagan in the coming months. It will be a great day in this house when diapers are no longer needed.

My question for the readers is when do you think it is a good time to start. I know what I've read, but yesterday I was shocked to hear that a boy in her playgroup is diaperless already. He is younger than Reagan and apparently they started the training process when he was four months old.

Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else? I didn't think children could even recognize the urge to go until they were around 16 months. Reagan says "poop" when she is pooping but at four months.....

Or maybe I was just lazy and didn't even want to think about that whole thing until now. Another thing...people have been asking me if I've been doing sign language with Reagan? Uh...she's not deaf! I guess it is a new age way of communication between parent and child before they develop speech skills. There are a lot of mothers I encounter that are doing this.

Maybe I'm old school but I just let Reagan develop on her own. I don't force her to do anything and I think she is advancing just fine. She may not be able to sign but white girl can dance, talk and identify more than most....

BRING BACK THE DISCO POINT

Lately I've been noticing... people don't really disco point anymore. And if they do, they laugh while they're doing it. They mock the disco point!

This, friends, makes me very angry. Disco pointing, after all, was not made to be funny. It's a hardcore dance move that must be executed properly. Bent elbows and limp spaghetti arms need not apply!

I mean, just look at Johnny T's face. Now that's a man who is serious about his disco point. Take cues from him and work off that. After your point is perfected, do not be afraid to showcase your learnin's:



If you're interested in seeing disco points from around the world, I suggest you visit this website. Hustle on over here.

I believe we would solve a host of planetary problems if our world leaders would just stand up and disco point side by side.

VICE PREZZY NOMINEE OF THE GOP

Okay, okay...

I've been a little harsh on the Palinator from the beginning but I always try to look for a quality in someone that I can identify with, even if it's just a good ol' fashion "hands in the air like ya just don't care".

I have to admit that I saw a bit of humanity in the Moose hunter last night when she appeared on SNL.

She was a good sport and I have a new found respect for her...

...but that doesn't change my vote!

HERE WE GO....

There is a God and he is good!

Sarah Palin, the real one, will appear on Saturday Night Live tonight!

Palin said "it should be fun". Well Sarah, YES IT WILL!

Click here to read the story.

YO HO, YO HO A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME

This town is obnoxious...

Read on

Looks like I need to break out the wench costume for the weekend!

LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS

I posted a pretty angry blog about my grandmother and her condition a few days ago. Since then, I have had sort of an epiphany about the whole situation. With the help of a group of people that I consider my second family, I have decided to take a different approach on the whole situation.

I am going to go out on a limb and break my own anonymity for the sake of people that may be reading this. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I have been clean and sober for a little over two and a half years. I attend 12-step meetings to help me stay that way.

I have learned many things along this journey I've been on for the last few years but the major one is that life happens and it is my responsibility to accept life on life's terms. Driving last night, I was overcome with a feeling of complete acceptance of what is going on with my grandmother and her illness.

I was ready to hop a plane and just be with her but I had to step back and check my motives. They were selfish and self-seeking. There is nothing I can do for her. I do not have the cure for cancer locked away somewhere, there is nothing I can say that will make this all go away. Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for my behavior in the past is no reason to invade Pittsburgh trying to fix something that cannot be fixed.

That all being said, I have made a decision to stay put and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The best way to honor her is to be of service to people that I can help. By going to AA meetings here, I have the chance to share my experience with people here that may need to hear something I have to say.

I found out yesterday that she has been and continues to be proud of me. She holds nothing against me, she realizes that the person I was for so many years is not the person I am today. The only one that is holding on to some of my past actions is me.

My Aunt said something to me last night that just floored me.

"We are and have always been stronger together than we are apart. We use tough love when it is necessary, we encourage each other when times are tough, but we always get through it as a family and move forward."

Well, I am proud to be part of a family like that and I am proud to be part of a group of ex-drunks that always have and always will do the exact same thing.

When the time comes for me to be there to support my family when she passes, then I will be there. When that time comes and I need the hand of AA to guide me through that experience, I know it will be there.

For that, I am grateful.

And just for the record:

My name IS Nicole and I am an alcoholic!

(i feel better now)

VIDEO WORKING

The "Reagan's Future Husband" video is now working. I don't know if you wanna scroll down and take a looksie or what-not.

It's pretty funny stuff.

I SEE STUPID PEOPLE....

...I see them all the time and they don't even know they are being stupid.

HA! (my little take on the sixth sense)

I love hearing people talk about politics, giving their two cents on how they "want" things to be. How they "wish" things were different...

I know you've all heard that saying: "Want in one hand and shit in the other...and see which one fills up first."

If you want change, then you have to take charge and do something about it. If you aren't registered to vote, well, then, you really don't have much of a say anymore do you? Registration for voting ended on Oct. 4 and now it is up to the rest of us Americans to decide your fate for you. Pretty scary when you think about it. Especially if the things you "wanted" get thrown out the window by the candidate who is elected an opposes your issues.

I hope this election turns out to be a lesson to those people who "really don't care" or "don't know enough about the candidates". People are starving, losing their retirement, getting turned down for health care and you "don't know enough". Well, if you have time to google some trendy diet or the scores for some NFL game, then you have time to learn about the candidates. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to think about issues that matter to you then determine which candidate will stand up for those issues.

I may not be knocking on doors or standing in the street holding signs but I am registered to vote and my vote will count come next month. I have educated myself on the issues that matter to me and have come to a decision on who I will vote for.

If you aren't registered...why don't you go out and do that when this election is over so maybe next time you can help the rest of us shape this country into something we can always be proud of....

MY MOM PLAYING AIR GUITAR AT THE AARP CONFERENCE

And you people wonder why I'm unbalanced.

Love ya, mom.

SARAH, SARAH, SARAH

Silly wabbit, don't cha know that abusing your position as Governor is frowned upon?

Just cause someone done did your sister dirty, doesn't mean you can help get them fired.

Put your clicker here, but don't abuse it

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME...AGAIN!?!

Reports now are saying that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant for a second time!

Click here for the deets.

Geez, girlfriend!

If you're gonna keep being stupid about it, at least get married!




P.S. I really like her hair in this cover shot, by the way.

Image courtesy OK! Magazine. Copyright 2008.

ON A SERIOUS NOTE

Quite frankly I am pissed off. My grandmother has been given five months to live by her doctors. On top of that, her medicaid will not pay for her stay at the Nursing Home she has been in anymore.

So, you are telling me that if you go to school for eight years, that gives you some sort of sixth sense about when people are going to die? I have never understood why people are given a certain amount of time to live. I get that family and friends like to have an idea of how much time they have left with their loved ones but come on now. For some asshole with the initials M.D. at the end of their name to be given the power to seal someones fate is incomprehensible to me. They base these "diagnosis'" on past cases. Well, cases might be similar but people aren't just "cases", they are someones mother, daughter, friend, grandmother etc...

I have learned through life experience, let me repeat, LIFE EXPERIENCE, that our time is not our own. The man upstairs, downstairs, in the forest, in the clouds, whatever your religious, or lack of, suggests, is the only one who determines when our time here on earth is done. Who do these people think they are? GOD? Throw all that book learnin' you've done out the window and just let people enjoy their last days without them thinking of the exact day they will die.

Secondly, the health care system in this country blows chunks. If you don't make enough money, or make enough money than you are screwed. Why should someone have to worry about how they will be taken care of? Don't we have some sort of responsibility to the people of this country to take care of and care for them in health crisis? People in insurance companies claw their way to the top and leave the American people behind fending for themselves.

If you've never watched "SICKO", the documentary by Michael Moore, than I suggest you do. You will want to vomit and move to Canada all in the same minute.

That is my rant for the day.

REAGAN'S FUTURE HUSBAND

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT

Yee Haw!

YOU KNOW....

I really haven't felt like posting anything. I really have nothing to post. I've been going through some changes lately. Some soul searching, truth seeking, inventory taking and weeding out of those people and things that are just extra baggage at this point in my life.

It is a tedious and aggravating process when this has to take place.

But it is necessary. I've really found out who is on my side and who isn't in the past few days and those people that aren't on my side. Well, they aren't on the winning side.

I hang out with a bunch of kick-ass people down here and when I take my issues to them and they give me feedback. I take it.

Oh...and I want to know what's behind door number three in this Presidential race. One and two just don't give me that warm and fuzzy feeling like everything is going to be "OK" with the country.

To summarize:

I may not be posting for a few days unless I see something funny that I feel you need to look at.



I'll be cleaning house....

WOULD YOU LIKE EXTRA FINGERS WITH THAT? WHAT!

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:

PUT YOUR POINTER HERE AND CLICK

ODD...VERY ODD.

IT'S A MAN'S WORLD

I've been engaged since May. My fiance' and I have been together for a little over a year, and we are planning to wed in about 2 months.

The reason I say "in about 2 months" is because we have recently purchased a home and feel as though we should be married before we move in. I want a small wedding anyway, and really, there's no point in waiting if we don't have to.

But here's my question. Why is everything always on the man's terms? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my fiance'...but have you ever noticed how 9 times out of 10 they have the final say in pretty much everything regarding matters of the heart? It's like - if a man wants to marry you, he puts a ring on your finger and then you're supposed to plan a wedding within six months to a year and be totally ecstatic about giving up your autonomy and becoming bound to another human being for all eternity.

A lot of women are totally fine with this, but for someone who considers themselves to be somewhat independent, it can be a bit overwhelming. However... no matter how you slice it, the guy almost always dictates whether you're attached or single for the rest of your life.

For example...
Consider the woman who has been dating the same man for anywhere from two to four years. She loves him, he loves her (or so he says) and he knows that the one thing that would make her truly happy would be an engagement ring. But for whatever reason, he can't commit. He wants to, but he's just a little too freaked out about the whole idea, so he takes his good old time. And what does the woman do? She waits. And waits. And waits. Then, a few years later, ONCE HE FEELS READY, he finally musters up enough courage to get down on one knee, and do the deed. Happy, but without a good 6-9 years of her life in a legally committed relationship with the man she loves, she agrees to marry him and that's that. End of story.

Flip the script and what happens?

THE MAN BAILS.

He bails! Once the guy that was all over you like hair on soap finally figures out that you're not ready... well - look out, sister. Now all you see from this same guy are tire marks from his car in front of your house. And all you wanted was a little more time.

I'm not sure about you, but my "Double-Standard-Dar" is sure going off.

I once heard of this woman who waited 10 years for a guy to propose to her, and he ended up breaking up with her and marrying his boss's daughter the following year. AN ENTIRE DECADE - GONE! This guy and his new wife now have 3 kids and are living the American Dream. I often wonder where that woman is now. I mean, he took her twenties away from her. Now she's piling on the wrinkle creams and working double time to keep those extra 10 pounds at bay all because this douchebag didn't have enough balls to tell her he was never going to marry her anyway.

So what's with us? Why do we wait, but when it's time for THEM to wait, they leave? Are women just stupid and insecure? Or do we just genuinely believe the bullshit lines they give us?

I lost 4 years of my life in a dead end relationship. I learned a lot, but I will never get that time back.

So if you or anyone you know is being made to wait by the man they love, tell them to hit the road. Because in my experience, if a man doesn't get on his pony and tell you it's time for "forever" within two years or less, it's never going to happen. Either that, or he doesn't give a flying you-know-what about your feelings.

Don't let this be you:




Now, excuse me, I have to go plan my wedding.

My time could be up any minute if I don't get my butt in gear.

CHARLES SCHULTZ PHILOSOPHY

I got this through a friend of mine on a social networking site and just wanted to share it with you all....


The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.


How did you do?


The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.


Here's another quiz.
See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


Easier?


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.


"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia."
-Charles Schultz



Photo courtesy of snoopy.com

LOL WORTHY

OH YEAH!

I forgot to mention that our plane was about a half hour late leaving Atlanta last night because Mrs. I use the word energy in every sentence, was leaving St. Louis so all air traffic was put on hold until she was in the air.

Puh-lease.

How much energy did that waste?

GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE FOR ME....

...Farm livin' is the life for me.

Spending some time in Southern Indiana sent me into a series of flashback modes where I was reminiscent of my days growing up on the farm.

Wide open space, good ol' fashioned home cookin', wildlife everywhere and quiet. Peace and quiet.

I'm not sure if I could live that far away from a city but it sure was nice to be isolated for a few days.

We took a tour of Churchill Downs and everyone got to watch me drool over all the beauty that is a horse. If there hadn't been hundreds of employees watching our every move I would have jumped the wall to snuggle with them.

We are back home now and back to the same old same old but I can appreciate that, at least for this moment. :)



Ben and I in about 35 years

BEST MOMENT OF THE PALIN/BIDEN DEBATE

Anyone catch it when Palin said, "Senator Obama and Senator O'Biden?"


HA HA HA HA!


She made him Irish.
Now that's funny.




"Republicans: They're always after me lucky charms."