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Tuesday, October 7, 2008


I've been engaged since May. My fiance' and I have been together for a little over a year, and we are planning to wed in about 2 months.

The reason I say "in about 2 months" is because we have recently purchased a home and feel as though we should be married before we move in. I want a small wedding anyway, and really, there's no point in waiting if we don't have to.

But here's my question. Why is everything always on the man's terms? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my fiance'...but have you ever noticed how 9 times out of 10 they have the final say in pretty much everything regarding matters of the heart? It's like - if a man wants to marry you, he puts a ring on your finger and then you're supposed to plan a wedding within six months to a year and be totally ecstatic about giving up your autonomy and becoming bound to another human being for all eternity.

A lot of women are totally fine with this, but for someone who considers themselves to be somewhat independent, it can be a bit overwhelming. However... no matter how you slice it, the guy almost always dictates whether you're attached or single for the rest of your life.

For example...
Consider the woman who has been dating the same man for anywhere from two to four years. She loves him, he loves her (or so he says) and he knows that the one thing that would make her truly happy would be an engagement ring. But for whatever reason, he can't commit. He wants to, but he's just a little too freaked out about the whole idea, so he takes his good old time. And what does the woman do? She waits. And waits. And waits. Then, a few years later, ONCE HE FEELS READY, he finally musters up enough courage to get down on one knee, and do the deed. Happy, but without a good 6-9 years of her life in a legally committed relationship with the man she loves, she agrees to marry him and that's that. End of story.

Flip the script and what happens?


He bails! Once the guy that was all over you like hair on soap finally figures out that you're not ready... well - look out, sister. Now all you see from this same guy are tire marks from his car in front of your house. And all you wanted was a little more time.

I'm not sure about you, but my "Double-Standard-Dar" is sure going off.

I once heard of this woman who waited 10 years for a guy to propose to her, and he ended up breaking up with her and marrying his boss's daughter the following year. AN ENTIRE DECADE - GONE! This guy and his new wife now have 3 kids and are living the American Dream. I often wonder where that woman is now. I mean, he took her twenties away from her. Now she's piling on the wrinkle creams and working double time to keep those extra 10 pounds at bay all because this douchebag didn't have enough balls to tell her he was never going to marry her anyway.

So what's with us? Why do we wait, but when it's time for THEM to wait, they leave? Are women just stupid and insecure? Or do we just genuinely believe the bullshit lines they give us?

I lost 4 years of my life in a dead end relationship. I learned a lot, but I will never get that time back.

So if you or anyone you know is being made to wait by the man they love, tell them to hit the road. Because in my experience, if a man doesn't get on his pony and tell you it's time for "forever" within two years or less, it's never going to happen. Either that, or he doesn't give a flying you-know-what about your feelings.

Don't let this be you:

Now, excuse me, I have to go plan my wedding.

My time could be up any minute if I don't get my butt in gear.

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