MY RIDICULOUS FAMILY

An instant message convo between my cousin Jim and I. It was so amusing I just had to share...

fitz: tonight i'm watching "emma"
fitz: i have a girl crush on jane austen book-based-films
Corsi: why?
fitz: i don't know
fitz: i saw some jane austen movie with anne hathaway and i was like
fitz: hmmm... i should probably rent some of those movies
fitz: b/c i never read any of her novels
fitz: in college or in high school
fitz: after this one i'm going to be renting pride and prejudice
Cors: are you getting them all from itunes?
fitz: no, my mom got me a gift card to family video
fitz: family video is such a kick in the teeth
Corsi: why?
fitz: the name
fitz: they should change it to "spinster video"
Corsi: i get pizza from a place called "a girlfriend who loves you"
Corsi: and i really like pizza...
fitz: that's not the name of it
Corsi: no, its really called La Morra...but you get my point
fitz: la morra is italian for the morra
fitz: i just looked it up
Corsi: i have no response for that
fitz: i just thought it would've been funny if la morra in italian meant "the girlfriend"
Corsi: lol
Corsi: THAT would be a kick in the teeth
fitz: Worry if you order pizza from a place called "Pizza L'Amica"
fitzieg: that means "Pizza the Girlfriend"
Corsi: what's italian for "hang myself in the closet after eating pizza?"
fitz: appenda nell'armadio dopo il cibo della pizza
Corsi: good. so i shouldn't go there
fitz: right.
Corsi: lucky you told me...there is one next to papa johns by me
Corsi: could never figure out why it was always empty
fitz: ha ha
fitz: ba-dum-dum
fitz: ching
Corsi: wow, rimshot over IM...impressive
fitz: i work in radio
fitz: i have skills in sound effect phonentic spellings
fitz: even though i misspelled phonetic
Corsi: the key is to spell it out in your head...fo-ne-tik-ley
fitz: no that's not right
fitz: foe-net-tick-lee
Corsi: that's just stupid
fitz: stoo-ped
fitz: no
fitz: stew-ped
Corsi: LOL
fitz: all you have to do is just write like you're an "LOL cat"
Corsi: lord...
fitz: i's all up in ur compewtur spelin' foe-net-tick-lee
Corsi: thanks a lot...
Corsi: the brainpower it too me to decode that, i forgot how to do math
Corsi: see, i can barely type now
Corsi: i can't remember what letter comes between j and l...
fitz: K
fitz: wait.
fitz: yeah, k

ANGELS AMONG US

This will give you goosebumps.

SO SAD

Eartha Kitt Dies

THE NEWEST DANCE CRAZE

Thanks Beyonce'!

Click below:

PUT YOUR HANDS UP

GOOD LUCK TRYING TO TELL PEOPLE YOU'RE ADOPTED

Left, Sophie Midler; Right, Bette Midler (Sophie's mom)

HOW TO MOURN SOMEONE WHO'S STILL ALIVE

You know how they say breakups are like a death?
Well, it's damn true.

Here are the 5 stages of grief:

Denial:
Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me!"

Anger:
Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO! How can this happen!"

Bargaining:
Example - "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years."

Depression:
Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

Acceptance:
Example - "It's going to be OK. If I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

At the moment, I'm feeling all these things at the same time. But although my brain is a very messy, very scary place right now... my apartment? Friggin' sparkling! I've been taking care of my rental like it's my kid. However, I do believe it's simply a temporary form of self-diagnosed OCD and will soon pass.

Some days I'm totally fine, and others... well... I'll be in Walgreens and some froofy Celine Dion song will come on through the loudspeakers which subsequently forces me to place my toilet paper back on the shelf and run out of there with my tail between my legs.

It sucks.

Most often though, I'm happy to report that I refuse to spend more than a few moments at a time on the whole "over-analyzing" part of this sad situation. I've kicked off a full blown baking crusade in which I bake various pastries (homemade cherry pies w/cherries pitted by hand, cookies, cupcakes, you name it) then bring them to work for everyone to enjoy in the office. It's a great stress reliever and I must admit, I do feel like quite the "Cucina Champion." (Ha Ha - I made that up).

I've also been whipping up an outline for the creative non-fiction novel I'm about to write. It's just a matter of perfecting that darn character arc. I have the plot pretty much together. It's not a serious, dramatic piece (although you'd assume it would be, all things considered) it's just something fun and humorous with a little romance thrown in for good measure. We'll see how that goes.

The other thing I've been doing? Intense, chick-flick-movie-watching. I am the biggest sucker for romantic comedies. I think I have every single one ever made. Does this make me trite and flighty? No. It's merely a form of escapism that just happens to be working for me! And fret not, movie buffs - these are not just movies from this decade or last... Woody Allen's Annie Hall is next up on the list.

I'm not out of the woods yet... but who knows what tomorrow brings?


Hey, that sounded a lot like grief's #5 step!

;-)


Stay tuned....

TOO CUTE

I say I don't want kids, then I discover this cuteness on YouTube:

TIS THE SEASON

So it's been a while since I've had the chance to sit down and write. I am at work right now, yes at work. I started back to work at Dolphin Cove on December 1. After going back and forth and my boss calling and asking me to come back, I made the executive decision to work three days a week and put Reagan in Montessori school.

Yes, I work around dolphins all day long. I am a photographer. I take pictures of people having the time of their life swimming with these amazing creatures. It is as good as it sounds. Coming back to a place I've already worked was an easy transition too, which made it a whole lot easier. Reagan enjoys school, I think, but she already got sick. Double ear infection, high fever, cough and the snots. I was a bit disappointed but I knew it would happen. Everyone tells me it is good for her to get sick and I guess that's true but it doesn't make it any easier.

There are only 9 more shopping days until Christmas and I haven't done any of it. I proclaimed that I didn't want anything for Christmas but soon changed my mind when I saw the new iPod nano. For the record I got the pink one with and engraving on the back. Aislyn's nano n'at. For those of you who don't understand the "nano n'at"...it's a Pittsburgh thing. UrbanDictionary.com explains it well.

Reagan sat on Santa's lap the other night and screamed like a Banshee. The classic Santa photo.

So, in a nutshell that is what has been going on with me. Not very exciting but it is taking up a lot of time right now.

Oh...and I start back to college at night in January so my plate is filling up. Which is good for someone like me. Idle hands are the devil's handy work they say...

RAY LAMONTAGNE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

How in the world did I never hear of him!?

I discovered this gem of a singer-songwriter on Amazon.com, of all places. Talk about amazing. This guy has such a classic sound. I'm buying his CD. He's just too good to pass up. Apparently he's a big hit in the UK.

Check out these two vids of live performances. His breathy, raspy voice makes you want to float away on a frickin' cloud...

JOSEPH BETH IS MY NEW BF

Dear Borders and Barnes and Noble,


As much as I hate writing this letter, it needs to be done.


I'm breaking up with you.
I've found a new love and his name is Joseph Beth.... Booksellers.


My new bookstore is more spacious, more warm and more cozy than both of you put together. Plus, he reminds me a lot of FAO Schwartz in New York City, except with several thousand books and not toys.


Joseph has not one, but TWO floors of wonderfulness. Granted, his poetry section isn't as vast as yours, but he boasts the incomparable Caribou Coffee. For the first time in 6 months, I was able to order a piping hot, small Turtle Mocha... a.k.a. the stuff dreams are made of.


Maybe it's because I'm a writer, maybe it's because I'm a reader, maybe it's just because I'm over-caffeinated about 90% of the time... either way, I've never wanted to hug multiple bookshelves quite so much in my life.


We had a great relationship, Borders and Barnes and Noble. And I'll never forget you. Perhaps someday, I'll swing by for a visit.


But until then, I must let you know that I've moved on to greener pastures... and I don't intend to look back.


I hope you understand, and sincerely wish you all the best in the future.


Love,
Marie


P.S. If you're curious, you can see my new bookstore online at www.josephbeth.com.

QUOTEY-QUOTEY

SHE WILL LIVE BY THE PEN!

Wow.  

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Well, I said I would review "Becoming Jane," didn't I?  

Alright then...  here's your review: 

AWESOME.

The entire plot is amazing.  It's based on the life of author Jane Austen, but there are a few twists thrown in there to give it that special "Hollywood" appeal.  Basically the entire love story is made to seem much deeper than it actually was in real life.  But man, was it good.

First of all, as you may already know, Jane Austen never married and died at 41.  Her first and only lifelong love was writing.  She says in the film several times, "I will live by the pen," meaning that she will make her own money doing what she loves - writing.

Hmm... sounds familiar...

Now, I'm not claiming to be like Jane Austen by any stretch of the imagination, but I definitely felt like I could relate (that is, with the writing and the single part... not the dying part).

Jane falls in love with a handsome Irishman named Tom LeFroy.  It isn't just an attraction thing though - there's an intellectual bond there too.  They were kindred spirits on the same wavelength.  They could speak about everything from status, money and power, to social issues and literary works.  Plus they could laugh together.  That's always important.

The thing I liked most about this movie was the fact that Mr. LeFroy respected Jane's passion in every way imaginable.  Whenever given the chance, he would praise and inspire her.  I don't care what anyone says - THAT is what makes a man, a man.

Anyway, I highly recommend "Becoming Jane"... remember, it's set in the late 1700s, so prep yourself for some old school jargon, corsets and a healthy dose of female repression.

GREAT GUILT

I usually like my posts to be about topics other than myself. But tonight...well... it's a little different.

I have PMS...

...and a computer.

I'm not going to go into detail about what recently occurred in my personal life. The only thing I'll say is that I suffered a great loss. A loss of love, if you will. I had a one in a million chance of being a wife and (someday) mother. I had the chance to make a house a home, to plant a garden, to own a dog and to have picnics in the woods on my very own property with my "husband."

This, however, was an opportunity which passed me by for a multitude of reasons. Simply put: Unnecessary circumstances beyond my control forced me to bring myself back to square one, which is a very lonely (and sometimes) dangerous place - especially when you have an overly analytical mind such as I.

Now I'm left feeling guilty. Guilty for going with the gut... and guilty for having the right to do just that.

I especially feel for women generations before me (and even now) who struggled to put food on the table and keep their families together, all while raising a couple small children at a time. I think of my maternal-great-italian-immigrant-grandmother who started having kids when she was a teenager and kept going until there were 14 of them (12 actually... 2 died). She worked from dawn til dusk raising those kids and barely spoke a word of English.

I have great respect for women like this. Women who hold it all together under the pressure of soccer games, PTA meetings and daycare. But I also have great guilt for not contributing to such a natural aspect of society. I feel as though I am not fulfilling my greater purpose as a woman and reproductive vessel. I suppose God skipped me when he was passing out the "domestic chip." (Seriously, I'm not exaggerating - I can't even keep a plant alive).

I think of women who never had an education; who can barely read. Women who don't know what it means to kick back on the couch after a long day at the office and watch the cable that they know they paid for with their own money. I feel great guilt for being sad when there is so much more I could be unhappy about - like not even having the ability or opportunity to acquire a job and pay my own bills.

I remember the women I've known (or do know) who have found their soul mates; who have found that one perfect person - for them- to share their whole world with. I feel great guilt for envying these women every day.

I look at my parents. They're young in spirit, but in about 20 years, I'll be middle aged and they'll be old in body (sorry guys). It makes me tear up a little bit when I think of them never being able to hold a grandchild bore by me, never being able to see me get married and always having to help me pick up the pieces every time my heart gets shattered by yet another failed romance. I feel great guilt for putting my parents through so much and not even giving them the opportunity to see that they did such a great job with me.

But you know what?

The most amazing thing about all this stuff.... feeling guilty and sorry for yourself, I mean... is that you begin to get tired of it eventually.

And right now...right this minute...I'm tired of feeling bad. So I'm going to have some hot chocolate, enjoy my evening and watch a movie based on the life of Jane Austen (Becoming Jane, starring Anne Hathaway...I'll let you know how it is).

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better about feeling bad.

Then again, maybe not.

Either way, our time here is short. And by wasting one even more minute of my free time on this "great guilt," I'd be doing a great disservice to those women who don't even have one spare second.

SBS

Otherwise known as Shy Bladder Syndrome, SBS is a real thing. Yeah...I had no idea either. I had no idea until I went to take a drug test for my employer on Monday.

I started back to work at the Dolphin facility I use to work at before I had Reagan. So, I guzzled down some juice and water in the morning, knowing I had to go during my lunch, and when I arrived there I did my thing and was all ready to leave when...

"That's not enough", said the woman with the rubber gloves. Apparently I needed to fill up the glass halfway and because I didn't, had to sit there until I could. I couldn't leave and come back, that would be considered a fail, I couldn't even leave the woman's sight. God forbid I'd have someone else's pee stashed in my car and would use it. Ridiculous I know.

So I had to call work, say I would be late and sit in a small room with one other SBS sufferer and chug 40 ounces of water and wait 45 minutes to try again. To top it off, there was zero cell phone reception where I was so I had to press my face up against the window and tilt my head just right to take Marie's call so I could inform her of my new found condition. SBS.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting and mass amounts of H20 consumption I went. I went and then had to continue going for the next two hours because of all the damn water I had drank.

I went back to work and word had gotten around...everyone knew I had SBS. And just in case they didn't, it was stated on my drug test form.

CHINESE PROVERB

"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes. He who does not ask is a fool forever."

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

I was asking myself that today as I was driving to the florist to pick up an arrangement for the funeral of a man I don't even know. My mother's co-worker passed away and she asked if I would pick up the flowers and drop them off at the funeral home.

Of course I said yes and on the drive down I started to get emotional. Emotional over someone I don't even know. Almost tearing up, I stopped myself and said, "What is wrong with you Aislyn?" I continued driving, trying to figure out why this was getting to me.

Then I realized it, the thought smacked me right in the face. There is NOTHING wrong with me. In fact, I am perfectly fine. Perfectly human. I have always been the person that saved a ladybug, helped a handicapped person by holding a door, rushed some animal the cat drug in to the vet.

So, of course something like this would affect me in some way. I appreciate life, all life, and for that I am blessed. I say thank you at the grocery store, I stop in the middle of the road to put five bucks in the volunteer EMS boot, I put change in the Cancer jars at the gas station. There's nothing wrong with me, there just aren't a whole lot of people that think the way I do. And that's OK.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I guard it carefully and sometimes come across as being harsh or unapproachable, but that comes from years of surrounding myself with people that always wanted something in return.

So, I am sane, there's nothing wrong with me...well nothing serious. HA!

This post is in memory of Frank the Postal Worker.
He's up there in that big post office in the sky, delivering all the letters people wrote to God.

WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE AND KNOW

Every woman should have:

.... an old love she can imagine going back to...
.... and one who reminds her how far she has come.
.... enough money within her control to move out, rent a place of her own in case she ever wants to or needs to.
.... something perfect to wear if the employer or a date of her dreams wants to see her in a hour.
.... a youth she is content to leave behind.
.... a past juicy enough that she is looking forward to retell in her old age.
.... the realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it.
.... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
.... one friend who always makes her laugh, one who lets her cry.
.... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone in her family.
.... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
.... a resume that's not even the slightest padded.
.... a feeling of control over her future.

Every woman should know:

.... how to quit a job, break up with a boyfriend, and confront a friend without ruining her friendship.
.... when to try harder and when to walk away.
.... how to have a good time at a party she would never have chose to attend.
.... how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely, she will get it.
.... that she cannot change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.
.... that her childhood may not have been perfect but it is over.
.... what she would or would not do for love or more.
.... how to live alone even if she does not like it.
.... whom she can trust, whom she cannot and why she should not take it personally.
.... where to go, whether it be her best friends kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods if her soul needs soothing.
.... what she cannot accomplish in a day, month and a year.
.... how to fall in love without losing herself.




Credit: Pamela Redmond Satran

APPROPRIATE

I've been singing this song in my head for the past week or so.

It really picks up around :47.



Credit: Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer

THE MAGIC LIST

Okay, since I've noticed we're getting big on the lists here, I should probably talk a little bit about something amazing called, "The Magic List" phenomenon.

Click here to see what I'm talking about.

Have you ever written a list of everything you wanted in a mate, a car, a house, or a job? Did it ever mysteriously come true? The theory in the article above is that it will. And I can attest to that.

In 2000, a friend and I decided to come up with a list of everything SHE wanted in a guy one night after some douchebag frat boy decided to completely blow her off. Right then we make a 6 page list entitled "The Perfect Guy" featuring everything from "has to be good looking" to "doesn't freeze cookies" (don't ask). This list was ridiculous, self-centered and well beyond far fetched. After we printed it out, we hung it on her wall in her dorm room near the foot of her bed. Everyone who stopped in to visit got a good chuckle out of it...that is, until something crazy happened...

No more than two months later, her brother's hunky best friend (of whom she'd had a crush on for 5 years) sends her a 21st birthday card completely out of the blue with a request to take her out sometime . This guy somehow managed to meet every single one of her Magic List criteria and they are now happily married (5 years and counting!)

The above article suggests making lists for all types of things. It also suggests that there are eerie ways in which these lists have a tendency to come true.

So.... what is it that YOU want? I suggest that whatever it is - make a list for it. The only risk you take is wasting too much paper - and trust me, that's not much to lose when there's a chance of getting everything you've ever dreamed of!

THANKSGIVING

Ahhhh....yes. Turkey, stuffing, taters, green beans and oh so much more.

To sum up what I'm thankful for:

In no particular order...

1. My life
2. My family
3. My friends
4. AA
5. Chocolate
6. Starbucks
7. Lower gas prices
8. Matt Lauer
9. The internet
10. My Blackberry
11. Common Sense
12. Turtle Soup (that's personal. I don't really eat turtles)
13. Jimmy Buffett music
14. Elmo (yes...I said it)
15. You Tube
16. iTunes
17. Hi Def TV
18. Fall colors
19. Long walks
20. Being smart

I could probably go on and on...but I won't.

Ya'll have a face-stuffin', belt-un-doing, yehaw of a good Thanksgiving.

Don't drink and drive and don't eat turkey and drive. You'll fall asleep...

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

Here are things I'll be looking into doing within the next few months:

- Continuing "Cry Fest 2008" and/or wallowing in self pity until the end of the year.
- Visiting Aislyn
- Salsa dancing (I'm quite good at this, actually, and should really be on Dancing with the Stars - not to toot my own horn or anything)
- Getting a haircut and a manicure with my little sister
- Planning a trip to Ireland. Not that I really have anyone to go with, but you get the point.
- Calling all my friends just to talk.
- Cooking better for myself.
- Exercising. I'm not good at this, but I will try to do better here.
- Praying more. Asking for guidance and my light at the end of this dark tunnel.
- Clarity.
- Finally writing that creative non-fiction novel I've been talking about for 2.5 years.
- Making peace with my past.
- Going to Barnes and Noble for an entire day and chugging obscene amounts of coffee while reading self-help books.


"When one door closes, another one falls on top of you."
- Some guy named Angus.

I'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT GOODBYES...

This part of "Already Gone" by Sugarland has been making me cry my face off lately:

The last time I saw him we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts
That we couldn't change

Pictures, dishes and socks
It's our whole life
Down to one box
There he was waving goodbye on the front porch alone

But I was already gone
I was already gone

BLURB

I discovered a site called blurb.com.

I highly suggest that if you are interested in writing a book you check it out.

They allow you to download a free application to create a book and then you upload it, pay for the print and they send you your book in the mail.

I just wrote a book for a very special occasion coming up and after a few minor glitches, that turned out to be my fault, my book is being created as we speak.

TYRA BANKS IS OUT OF HER DAMN MIND

Tyra Banks.

Oh, where to begin...


Sometimes models should just stay models.

I'll let these clips from The Soup speak for themselves:

BIG GIRL BED

I had to beat into submission a big girl bedroom set for Reagan yesterday. It's been a long time coming. She's been sleeping in our bed for a while now and I finally decided that it was time for a change.

I left the house last night and when I got back, Ben had put her to sleep in her bed, and she was still there. After falling out twice and throwing a fit, she finally settled down and slept there until 5AM this morning. Not too bad for the first night.

I think I had a rougher go of it than she did. I missed her goofy little feet kicking me all night. Of course it is an Elmo bedroom set. God forbid I would have tried to introduce anything else. If you're curious to see what it looks like, Click here.

TO MY MARIE

Dear Marie,

We have been friends for many moons now. We have chased bunnies in your backyard, started an Oprah fan club, designed iron on spandex wear and have developed a silent laugh that has been known to cause pant pissage. We lost touch, got back in touch and were able to pick up like no time had passed at all. You know more about me than anyone on the face of the earth and you "get" me, when no one else does. We have a sixth sense about each other's moods and quite possibly have ESPN when it comes to one another.

You may not be my oldest friend, but you are certainly my closest. (Are you tearing up yet you old sap?)

You will be getting married in a few weeks and your life will be over...LOL...

No...seriously. You will be getting married in a few weeks and if I were able to be there I would have said all the things mentioned above.

The greatest thing about a friendship like ours is that no matter where life takes us we will always know where to turn when times are good or when they aren't so good. When you need a laugh, you know I'll be here, and if you need to cry, I'll say something to make it better and if you just need an ear, I won't say anything at all.

I love you hidey. (our nickname for each other)

I can't wait to see you next week. How blessed am I to be able to jump on a plane and be there for you on the day of your bridal shower? How blessed are you to be graced with my presence...HA!

That's all...

VINTAGE MARIE

I think Aislyn and I had the same stylist back in '83.

Photo Credit: Some dude from 1983.

DISGUSTED

I am thoroughly disgusted that the state of California passed the ban on gay marriage.

We just elected the first African American President. We've come so far in so many ways as a country. To think that some can't still accept that love had no boundaries is astonishing to me.

Click here to read.

BARACKED!

It's official. Barack Obama is the new President of the United States.

I am proud of our country. I am proud to be part of a nation that can come from a point where African Americans weren't able to vote, to a place where we can see past color and elect the right man for the highest position in the land.

John McCain...I saw the old John McCain tonight when he congratulated Obama on the win. I saw a man who is proud of this country and will respect his President, even if it meant losing to him.

We need to come together as a country. The division that an election causes has to be overcome. We are ONE nation, one people and we have a chance to turn all of the current issues holding us back around.

WE NEED TO GET ALONG PEOPLE...

I am proud, I say it again....damn proud!

INDECISION 2008

PLEASE GO VOTE!

IF YOU ARE UNDECIDED THEN GO TO EACH CANDIDATES WEBSITE, LOOK AT THEIR ISSUES AND MAKE A DECISION.


Barack Obama

John McCain

YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!

BINGE AND PURGE

That's my motto for this Halloween. For the first time in years I will be trick or treating. Not because I'm a sugar loving whore, because I have a small child which gives me the right to indulge with the rest of the costume wearing population. For the record, Reagan's Dorothy costume is the cutest thing in the world, perhaps the Universe...

I will be dressing at the Wicked Witch, our friend Brad will be the scarecrow and the husband is going as himself, a party pooper.

I recently started using one of those obnoxiously sized exercise balls to do crunches and just for the record I did double the number today in preparation for the mass amounts of crap I will be ingesting!

God bless sugar!




Reagan's costume was handmade...not by me

PAINFUL

My husband is the kind of person who believes that women shouldn't have to work.

That in itself says a lot but I will continue on with the story I am about to tell.

I have been thinking about going back to work for a few weeks now. Nothing stressful or demanding. I would be photographing people swimming with dolphins. Sounds great doesn't it? Well, it sounded great to everyone except the husband but yesterday we had a breakthrough. My old boss approached me again (she has been asking for a while) about coming back. It would be four days a week, which would mean we would put Reagan into school. Not that I "have" to work and not that I am ready to give her up. I think it just may be time. She loves being around other kids and is constantly getting bored at home doing the same things over and over. I just don't know if I am mentally prepared for this sort of thing.

Anyway...after talking last night, my mother and father in law were witness to this, he walks out of the living room, into the dining room and said three words that every wife wants to hear. "I support you." WHAT? Did I just hear Ward Cleaver utter those words. Mind you, it sounded like he was passing a kidney stone when he said it because it was so unusual and painful, but by God he said it!

I guess now that I have the unexpected support of my husband, I can figure out what I want to do and just do it....crazy huh?

SLEEPING HURTS

I woke up today with a sore knee.

I'm not even joking - I can't put pressure on my left leg because the upper right part of my knee feels like it's sprained.

Seriously, how does one eff up sleeping?
I mean, all I did was lay there, close my eyes, then wake up.

...or did I?

Here are some possible reasons for my discomfort:

- Sleep-kick-boxed with Jackie Chan

- Sleep-danced the hustle, (which I probably could do in my sleep since I'm so awesome at it).

- Did an 8 hour imitation of Ralph Macchio's crane kick from the Karate Kid - while asleep of course.

Or... I suppose this nocturnal knee destruction could just mean I'm, you know, getting old.

WHY DON'T WE GET DRUNK AND...

....VOTE!

PENSACOLA, Fla. (AP) - If a chance to help choose the next
president of the United States isn't enough to get some voters to
the polls, maybe a free beer is.
The HandleBar in Pensacola is offering a free beer to anyone who votes. Customers must trade their "I Voted" stickers for the free drinks.
The offer is good for early voters and those who vote on Nov. 4.
This is the third year that the HandleBar has offered free beers
to voters.


Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.

IRONY

Gee, I'm sure glad we decided to move our house closing date up just TWO WEEKS before interest rates are expected to plummet to an all time low!

Isn't it ironic? Don't cha think?

Super. Just flipping super. And to think I was actually bragging about our 5.87% ...

Sheesh.

ARMADILLOS GIVE ME THE ARMA-WILLIES

The calendar I look at everyday is an animal calendar. It was a freebie from the maintenance guy at work.

October's calendar feature is the gorgeous elk:



The picture below is the same exact picture on my calendar for next month:



Now honestly, who the hell wants to look at a damn armadillo for a solid 30 days!? This animal is like a friggin' rat with furry snake-skin armor! (Can I get a "yuck?")

I can tell you one thing, the next time I start complaining about the cold weather up here, you best believe I'll be thinkin of the armadillo and thankin' my lucky stars.

Apparently these suckers don't survive for long in low temps.

Note: Unfortunately, no armadillos were harmed in the making of this post.

IT'S GOOD TO BE SARAH

$49,425.74 at Saks Fifth Avenue

$75,062.63 at Neiman Marcus

$4,716.49 on hair and makeup

Being able to see Russia from your homeland and using it as a qualifier for foreign policy....

PRICELESS

There are just some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's taxpayer donations.

POTTY TIME

I am gearing up to start potty training Reagan in the coming months. It will be a great day in this house when diapers are no longer needed.

My question for the readers is when do you think it is a good time to start. I know what I've read, but yesterday I was shocked to hear that a boy in her playgroup is diaperless already. He is younger than Reagan and apparently they started the training process when he was four months old.

Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else? I didn't think children could even recognize the urge to go until they were around 16 months. Reagan says "poop" when she is pooping but at four months.....

Or maybe I was just lazy and didn't even want to think about that whole thing until now. Another thing...people have been asking me if I've been doing sign language with Reagan? Uh...she's not deaf! I guess it is a new age way of communication between parent and child before they develop speech skills. There are a lot of mothers I encounter that are doing this.

Maybe I'm old school but I just let Reagan develop on her own. I don't force her to do anything and I think she is advancing just fine. She may not be able to sign but white girl can dance, talk and identify more than most....

BRING BACK THE DISCO POINT

Lately I've been noticing... people don't really disco point anymore. And if they do, they laugh while they're doing it. They mock the disco point!

This, friends, makes me very angry. Disco pointing, after all, was not made to be funny. It's a hardcore dance move that must be executed properly. Bent elbows and limp spaghetti arms need not apply!

I mean, just look at Johnny T's face. Now that's a man who is serious about his disco point. Take cues from him and work off that. After your point is perfected, do not be afraid to showcase your learnin's:



If you're interested in seeing disco points from around the world, I suggest you visit this website. Hustle on over here.

I believe we would solve a host of planetary problems if our world leaders would just stand up and disco point side by side.

VICE PREZZY NOMINEE OF THE GOP

Okay, okay...

I've been a little harsh on the Palinator from the beginning but I always try to look for a quality in someone that I can identify with, even if it's just a good ol' fashion "hands in the air like ya just don't care".

I have to admit that I saw a bit of humanity in the Moose hunter last night when she appeared on SNL.

She was a good sport and I have a new found respect for her...

...but that doesn't change my vote!

HERE WE GO....

There is a God and he is good!

Sarah Palin, the real one, will appear on Saturday Night Live tonight!

Palin said "it should be fun". Well Sarah, YES IT WILL!

Click here to read the story.

YO HO, YO HO A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME

This town is obnoxious...

Read on

Looks like I need to break out the wench costume for the weekend!

LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS

I posted a pretty angry blog about my grandmother and her condition a few days ago. Since then, I have had sort of an epiphany about the whole situation. With the help of a group of people that I consider my second family, I have decided to take a different approach on the whole situation.

I am going to go out on a limb and break my own anonymity for the sake of people that may be reading this. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I have been clean and sober for a little over two and a half years. I attend 12-step meetings to help me stay that way.

I have learned many things along this journey I've been on for the last few years but the major one is that life happens and it is my responsibility to accept life on life's terms. Driving last night, I was overcome with a feeling of complete acceptance of what is going on with my grandmother and her illness.

I was ready to hop a plane and just be with her but I had to step back and check my motives. They were selfish and self-seeking. There is nothing I can do for her. I do not have the cure for cancer locked away somewhere, there is nothing I can say that will make this all go away. Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for my behavior in the past is no reason to invade Pittsburgh trying to fix something that cannot be fixed.

That all being said, I have made a decision to stay put and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The best way to honor her is to be of service to people that I can help. By going to AA meetings here, I have the chance to share my experience with people here that may need to hear something I have to say.

I found out yesterday that she has been and continues to be proud of me. She holds nothing against me, she realizes that the person I was for so many years is not the person I am today. The only one that is holding on to some of my past actions is me.

My Aunt said something to me last night that just floored me.

"We are and have always been stronger together than we are apart. We use tough love when it is necessary, we encourage each other when times are tough, but we always get through it as a family and move forward."

Well, I am proud to be part of a family like that and I am proud to be part of a group of ex-drunks that always have and always will do the exact same thing.

When the time comes for me to be there to support my family when she passes, then I will be there. When that time comes and I need the hand of AA to guide me through that experience, I know it will be there.

For that, I am grateful.

And just for the record:

My name IS Nicole and I am an alcoholic!

(i feel better now)

VIDEO WORKING

The "Reagan's Future Husband" video is now working. I don't know if you wanna scroll down and take a looksie or what-not.

It's pretty funny stuff.

I SEE STUPID PEOPLE....

...I see them all the time and they don't even know they are being stupid.

HA! (my little take on the sixth sense)

I love hearing people talk about politics, giving their two cents on how they "want" things to be. How they "wish" things were different...

I know you've all heard that saying: "Want in one hand and shit in the other...and see which one fills up first."

If you want change, then you have to take charge and do something about it. If you aren't registered to vote, well, then, you really don't have much of a say anymore do you? Registration for voting ended on Oct. 4 and now it is up to the rest of us Americans to decide your fate for you. Pretty scary when you think about it. Especially if the things you "wanted" get thrown out the window by the candidate who is elected an opposes your issues.

I hope this election turns out to be a lesson to those people who "really don't care" or "don't know enough about the candidates". People are starving, losing their retirement, getting turned down for health care and you "don't know enough". Well, if you have time to google some trendy diet or the scores for some NFL game, then you have time to learn about the candidates. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to think about issues that matter to you then determine which candidate will stand up for those issues.

I may not be knocking on doors or standing in the street holding signs but I am registered to vote and my vote will count come next month. I have educated myself on the issues that matter to me and have come to a decision on who I will vote for.

If you aren't registered...why don't you go out and do that when this election is over so maybe next time you can help the rest of us shape this country into something we can always be proud of....

MY MOM PLAYING AIR GUITAR AT THE AARP CONFERENCE

And you people wonder why I'm unbalanced.

Love ya, mom.

SARAH, SARAH, SARAH

Silly wabbit, don't cha know that abusing your position as Governor is frowned upon?

Just cause someone done did your sister dirty, doesn't mean you can help get them fired.

Put your clicker here, but don't abuse it

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME...AGAIN!?!

Reports now are saying that 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant for a second time!

Click here for the deets.

Geez, girlfriend!

If you're gonna keep being stupid about it, at least get married!




P.S. I really like her hair in this cover shot, by the way.

Image courtesy OK! Magazine. Copyright 2008.

ON A SERIOUS NOTE

Quite frankly I am pissed off. My grandmother has been given five months to live by her doctors. On top of that, her medicaid will not pay for her stay at the Nursing Home she has been in anymore.

So, you are telling me that if you go to school for eight years, that gives you some sort of sixth sense about when people are going to die? I have never understood why people are given a certain amount of time to live. I get that family and friends like to have an idea of how much time they have left with their loved ones but come on now. For some asshole with the initials M.D. at the end of their name to be given the power to seal someones fate is incomprehensible to me. They base these "diagnosis'" on past cases. Well, cases might be similar but people aren't just "cases", they are someones mother, daughter, friend, grandmother etc...

I have learned through life experience, let me repeat, LIFE EXPERIENCE, that our time is not our own. The man upstairs, downstairs, in the forest, in the clouds, whatever your religious, or lack of, suggests, is the only one who determines when our time here on earth is done. Who do these people think they are? GOD? Throw all that book learnin' you've done out the window and just let people enjoy their last days without them thinking of the exact day they will die.

Secondly, the health care system in this country blows chunks. If you don't make enough money, or make enough money than you are screwed. Why should someone have to worry about how they will be taken care of? Don't we have some sort of responsibility to the people of this country to take care of and care for them in health crisis? People in insurance companies claw their way to the top and leave the American people behind fending for themselves.

If you've never watched "SICKO", the documentary by Michael Moore, than I suggest you do. You will want to vomit and move to Canada all in the same minute.

That is my rant for the day.

REAGAN'S FUTURE HUSBAND

NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT

Yee Haw!

YOU KNOW....

I really haven't felt like posting anything. I really have nothing to post. I've been going through some changes lately. Some soul searching, truth seeking, inventory taking and weeding out of those people and things that are just extra baggage at this point in my life.

It is a tedious and aggravating process when this has to take place.

But it is necessary. I've really found out who is on my side and who isn't in the past few days and those people that aren't on my side. Well, they aren't on the winning side.

I hang out with a bunch of kick-ass people down here and when I take my issues to them and they give me feedback. I take it.

Oh...and I want to know what's behind door number three in this Presidential race. One and two just don't give me that warm and fuzzy feeling like everything is going to be "OK" with the country.

To summarize:

I may not be posting for a few days unless I see something funny that I feel you need to look at.



I'll be cleaning house....

WOULD YOU LIKE EXTRA FINGERS WITH THAT? WHAT!

NEWS OF THE WEIRD:

PUT YOUR POINTER HERE AND CLICK

ODD...VERY ODD.

IT'S A MAN'S WORLD

I've been engaged since May. My fiance' and I have been together for a little over a year, and we are planning to wed in about 2 months.

The reason I say "in about 2 months" is because we have recently purchased a home and feel as though we should be married before we move in. I want a small wedding anyway, and really, there's no point in waiting if we don't have to.

But here's my question. Why is everything always on the man's terms? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my fiance'...but have you ever noticed how 9 times out of 10 they have the final say in pretty much everything regarding matters of the heart? It's like - if a man wants to marry you, he puts a ring on your finger and then you're supposed to plan a wedding within six months to a year and be totally ecstatic about giving up your autonomy and becoming bound to another human being for all eternity.

A lot of women are totally fine with this, but for someone who considers themselves to be somewhat independent, it can be a bit overwhelming. However... no matter how you slice it, the guy almost always dictates whether you're attached or single for the rest of your life.

For example...
Consider the woman who has been dating the same man for anywhere from two to four years. She loves him, he loves her (or so he says) and he knows that the one thing that would make her truly happy would be an engagement ring. But for whatever reason, he can't commit. He wants to, but he's just a little too freaked out about the whole idea, so he takes his good old time. And what does the woman do? She waits. And waits. And waits. Then, a few years later, ONCE HE FEELS READY, he finally musters up enough courage to get down on one knee, and do the deed. Happy, but without a good 6-9 years of her life in a legally committed relationship with the man she loves, she agrees to marry him and that's that. End of story.

Flip the script and what happens?

THE MAN BAILS.

He bails! Once the guy that was all over you like hair on soap finally figures out that you're not ready... well - look out, sister. Now all you see from this same guy are tire marks from his car in front of your house. And all you wanted was a little more time.

I'm not sure about you, but my "Double-Standard-Dar" is sure going off.

I once heard of this woman who waited 10 years for a guy to propose to her, and he ended up breaking up with her and marrying his boss's daughter the following year. AN ENTIRE DECADE - GONE! This guy and his new wife now have 3 kids and are living the American Dream. I often wonder where that woman is now. I mean, he took her twenties away from her. Now she's piling on the wrinkle creams and working double time to keep those extra 10 pounds at bay all because this douchebag didn't have enough balls to tell her he was never going to marry her anyway.

So what's with us? Why do we wait, but when it's time for THEM to wait, they leave? Are women just stupid and insecure? Or do we just genuinely believe the bullshit lines they give us?

I lost 4 years of my life in a dead end relationship. I learned a lot, but I will never get that time back.

So if you or anyone you know is being made to wait by the man they love, tell them to hit the road. Because in my experience, if a man doesn't get on his pony and tell you it's time for "forever" within two years or less, it's never going to happen. Either that, or he doesn't give a flying you-know-what about your feelings.

Don't let this be you:




Now, excuse me, I have to go plan my wedding.

My time could be up any minute if I don't get my butt in gear.

CHARLES SCHULTZ PHILOSOPHY

I got this through a friend of mine on a social networking site and just wanted to share it with you all....


The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.


How did you do?


The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.


Here's another quiz.
See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


Easier?


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.


"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia."
-Charles Schultz



Photo courtesy of snoopy.com

LOL WORTHY

OH YEAH!

I forgot to mention that our plane was about a half hour late leaving Atlanta last night because Mrs. I use the word energy in every sentence, was leaving St. Louis so all air traffic was put on hold until she was in the air.

Puh-lease.

How much energy did that waste?

GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE FOR ME....

...Farm livin' is the life for me.

Spending some time in Southern Indiana sent me into a series of flashback modes where I was reminiscent of my days growing up on the farm.

Wide open space, good ol' fashioned home cookin', wildlife everywhere and quiet. Peace and quiet.

I'm not sure if I could live that far away from a city but it sure was nice to be isolated for a few days.

We took a tour of Churchill Downs and everyone got to watch me drool over all the beauty that is a horse. If there hadn't been hundreds of employees watching our every move I would have jumped the wall to snuggle with them.

We are back home now and back to the same old same old but I can appreciate that, at least for this moment. :)



Ben and I in about 35 years

BEST MOMENT OF THE PALIN/BIDEN DEBATE

Anyone catch it when Palin said, "Senator Obama and Senator O'Biden?"


HA HA HA HA!


She made him Irish.
Now that's funny.




"Republicans: They're always after me lucky charms."

NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE

I am in Indiana visiting the in-laws.

Can't write much.

Thought I saw children coming out of the corn last night.

The cows definitely came home.

I kinda like it here.....

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

After watching this video on Dooce.com I had to repost it and ask the same question Heather Armstrong does.

WHY IN THE HOLY HELL DID MCCAIN PICK THIS WOMAN TO BE HIS RUNNING MATE?!?

He is so experienced in military and obviously well educated on the topic and she...
she is "neighbors with Russia". Uh...and? I am 190 miles away from Cuba. Does that make me qualified in foreign policy....HELL NO!

Watch this and if you are a Palin fan, please explain to me what I am missing. I don't feel like I can relate to her on any level.

HOCKEY MOM

WHERE'S MY LIPSTICK DAMMIT?!?

I've officially taken Reagan to her first kiddie birthday party. Does that mean I've crossed over to that side of life where I need to get a mini van and dress in all pastel? Should I have a cardigan tied around my shoulders? What's the deal? This is all new to me. Before yesterday I was pretty comfortable just hanging with the roo (her nickname) and being pretty isolated from all the "soccer mom" type activities.

Does this also mean that I've been accepted by the "pack"? Did the women at her playgroup hold a secret meeting in a kitchen somewhere? Did they break out the Martha Stewart Living magazine and pray over it? Did they drop a ball of yarn and some knitting needles and depending on the way it landed determine whether I was accepted? I just don't really understand!

I was sitting at the bowling alley last night (where the party was held) just looking around in awe. It's like that sticker that says: "Come to the dark side, we have cookies."

Well, looks like I have started down a lavender colored path filled with scones, Paula Deen and all Organic products.....



That picture is not me, nor will I ever look like that.

LOOK AT ME GO

I turned 28 today and I can honestly say there was a time in my early twenties when I didn't think I'd live to see another birthday. I've come a LONG way since those days and it seems like life is just starting for me.

I look forward to meeting the future with open arms.

All I know is that I want to live old enough to set off fire alarms when they light the candles on my cake.

I want to be the old woman in those greeting cards. Wrinkled with coke bottle glasses making people smile.

Yep...that's what I want!

HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH

Happy Birthday Aislyn! And many more!

STATES OF MIND

This is too funny.

Where does your state stand?

Pennsylvania ranks number 6 on the list for neuroticism....ha

NEED HELP?

I have no idea what to dress Reagan up as for Halloween.

Any suggestions?

I want it to be something original. I know that is pretty impossible these days but NO princesses, ELMO, bugs, fruit or veggies....

HELP ME!!

THE HEADLINE SAYS IT ALL.

Click Below:

IT'S EXPLOSIVE!!

Oh, I loves me some hypocrisy!

BLOG BOOK

So...I was browsing one of my favorite blogs, She Talks, and found out about this contest where bloggers will be published in a book to help raise money for the NieNie Recovery Fund.

I entered and so should you!

Click Here To Do Just That

CRACKBERRY

I never really knew what the big hype was about this Blackberry thing until I got mine this week. I can't remember what life was like before it to be quite honest. I really didn't need it, but you know how that goes.

I can do everything on it short of calling God himself.

GPS navigation with real time traffic, watch TV, listen to the radio, download music, get my yahoo email as it comes in, IM other Blackberry users as well as IM users on AIM and Yahoo IM.

It is fantastic and I am really in love. It sounds weird and scary but now I know why they are doing research about how spouses love their Blackberry's more than their partners...ha

You think I'm kidding? Click Here

They even have a site dedicated to "Crackberry" users. Crackberry.com

To quote Gollum from the Lord of The Rings series....

"We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious."

HACKING A MOOSE

No, no.....

I'm not talking about Sarah. Oh wait. I am!!

Hackers gained access to Gov. Sarah Palin's personal Yahoo account.

Why in the world would she have a public email account. She works for the Government. Don't they provide an email with a wee bit more security than free sites?

Perhaps our rifle toting friend has some things to hide?

JOHN AND KATE = $

I had heard something about all the nasty little stuff that goes on "behind the scenes" on the popular show John and Kate Plus 8. I am not going to link to the show because at one point I enjoyed watching it and thanking God that wasn't me. Now, I have a different opinion and don't want to promote it in a positive light.

Let's face it, Kate's a bitch and John is her little puppet who apparently has a temper problem.

I have one child and I turn into a beast every once in a while, but you'd think that having all this help, freebies and extra money from making the show, you'd try to show some appreciation or gratitude.

I am still in the beginning stages of researching all the dirt on this show but here is a blog that "Aunt Jodi's" sister on the show started.

BE PREPARED TO HAVE A LIGHT BULB MOMENT

WHORES IN TRAINING?

OK, OK...that headline may be a little harsh but I really find nothing cute or trendy about this video you are about to watch.

Go ahead....click here then come back to me.

RI-DAMN-DICULOUS!!

That is absolutely the most horrifying thing I've seen. I wouldn't put my child in those if you paid me. What? Now we want to teach our daughters, maybe even sons, that pink heels draw all sorts of attention to you? That just because you have some hooker heels on that you are cute?

NO!

Don't do this people....I'm going to be 28 in a few days and I still don't find anything attractive about shoes that squeeze your toes together and have you wishing you could dive in a bottle of aspirin after a few hours.

FIVE THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT SARAH PALIN

Taken from People.com:

After having famously joked at her party's convention, "You know what they say about the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick," what sort of lipstick does Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin prefer?

The Insider spoke to Palin's closest friends and found out, uncovering these five (more) things you may not know about her:

• She's frugal. "Sarah gave me a thank-you card after I helped her with her lieutenant-governor race," said her friend, Kristen Cole, who has known the Alaska governor since childhood. "She liked the card so much that she didn't sign it so I could give it to someone else."

• She's a techie. Palin prefers texting to phone calls.

• She's a rock fan. She named her son Trig Paxton Van Palin because it sounds like the band Van Halen. Says friend Judy Patrick, a former city council member who has known Palin for 12 years, "How cool was that to have a kid named Van Palin?"

• She's adaptable. Palin used to wear Mary Kay lipstick, but she now prefers MAC.

• She's a traditionalist. Palin is against waxing. Cole recalls: "I remember that one of her girls wanted to get her legs waxed, and Sarah said, 'Are you kidding me? What's wrong with a razor?' "




Van Palin? WTF?

IT'S ELMO'S WORLD

My daughter has reached the age where she wants to watch one thing, and one thing only. OVER AND OVER AND OVER....it's "Elmo's World".

Holy Christmas. I use to think the little red guy was all cute and cuddly. Now I find myself having homicidal thoughts over a puppet. Morning, noon and night. From the time she wakes up until the time I have to pry the remote out of her tiny little hands. "Melmo, Melmo". All day long.

I guess it's just a phase. At least that is what I'm telling myself. Don't get me wrong, it's amazing how from one day to the next she can fully communicate exactly what she wants. I just wish their was some variety in her viewing preferences. We joined one of those Disney Movie Clubs. Tons of kick ass movies that I loved when I was a child. But no, "Melmo, Melmo....."

Pardon me, the princess is demanding more Melmo......